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Welcome to A.J. Mahari's Loved Ones of Borderline Personality Information,Support, and Life Coaching

On the other side of Borderline Personality Disorder there are the family members and loved ones (Ex's, estranged family members) of those with BPD. In so many ways being on the other side of Borderline Personality Disorder is a very painful and confusing place to be.

A.J. Mahari, who had BPD and recovered 15 years ago, as only one has who has been there and made it back can, is the adult child of 2 borderline parents and has been in the non borderline role in a relationship with someone with BPD/NPD provides a uniquely full-circle 360 insight into the reality of BPD - from both sides.

A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who specializes in helping loved ones of those with Borderline Personality Disorder learn to identify and achieve their relationship and inter-personal goals. She supports people in their journeys of questioning what to do helping them to learn new skills to cope with a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder. Whether you are committed to your relationship with a borderline partner or not sure, or you have just left but you haven't been able to move on, A.J. can help you to find your way.

A.J. on Life/BPD Coaching For Loved Ones

Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES or 3 Non Borderline Ebooks together with audio.
Purchase all 5 Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD ebooks
Loved Ones of BPD - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together without audio or 6 ebooks bundled with 2 audio programs 6 ebooks packaged together with 2 audio programs
Those with BPD and/or Loved Ones can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks or Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks with From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD - The Inner Chid Audio Program

The Search For Understanding

For those who find themselves on the other side of Borderline Personality Disorder the enigma can be mind-boggling. Coming to find out that a family member, loved one, partner, or ex-partner has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder for many begins a search to find understanding.

This search for understanding becomes a journey of identifying, coping with, and working your way through the various stages of that are required for the choices that lay ahead. Choices that will bring with them a myriad of maze-like emotions that can and often do trap those on the other side of BPD in a very painful "no-man's land" so to speak. This "no man's land" is the central affect of being on the other side of what is the "borderline" no-win situation. This situation leaves the nonbp in the "rock and a hard place" position. This web site will address this and the stages that most non borderlines go through when coming to grips with the reality of Borderline Personality Disorder in the life of a loved one and by the nature of the connection to that loved one, in their own lives as well.

A.J. Mahari Understands the Pain BPD Causes

I have had a lot of experience with BPD - both sides of it. I have felt the pain that you may well be feeling today. I had two parents with Borderline Personality Disorder, developed BPD in my teen years and subsequently recovered from BPD at the age of 38. Some years later I had a relationship with someone with BPD and found myself on the other side of BPD as a recovered borderline - now a non borderline. I know this formidable and serious mental illness - personality disorder - from the inside out on both sides.

I not only recovered from BPD 15 years ago, I have also recovered from having had two parents with BPD. I have also recovered from the relationship that I had with someone with BPD (and NPD). Yes, in case you haven't yet thought this way, loved ones of those with BPD - non borderlines - need their own recovery and healing too. In working in my capacity as a Life Coach, with those have a loved one with BPD, I help non borderlines to understand more about the relational dynamics that are inevitable with BPD and that in many people with BPD (unless and until they really get on that road to recovery) can be static and repetitive - re-wounding dynamics that mean that all the hope you have for things to get better and work out, often, at some point becomes more of a false hope that borders on the illusion of hope - a very painful experience. One that I help many clients find their way through and recover from.

I hope you will find information I post here, along with my ebooks, audio programs, BPD Inside Out Podcast and videos, helpful as you seek to understand mroe about Borderline Personality Disorder and how to cope with your own pain and all that you need to know about being in a relationship (or having been in one) with someone with BPD.

While there are many commonalities that those who have BPD share, there are also individual differences in how BPD manifests itself in the lives of those diagnosed with it. There isn't any across the board rule in terms of how people with BPD will be, how they will relate, how they will experience their relationships, or whether or not they will get on or stay on the road to recovey.

Perhaps one of the most challenging relationships for those who are on the other side of BPD is that of a family member in what are commonly referred to as "unchosen relationships" to denote these types of relationships from significant other intimate relationships.

Unchosen relationships with those who have Borderline Personality Disorder involve having a family member such as a parent, child, adult-child, sibling, or cousin and so forth who has BPD. There are many complicated issues for people in these situations on the other side of BPD as they struggle to cope with what are often worsening and profoundly painful emotional realities for the person with BPD in their lives.

As Catherine Roach illustrates in this video being the relative (sister) of a person with BPD (in the video below) is often an enigmatic quagmire to which there aren't always solutions. Roach's conclusion is that in the end all one can do is love and support the family member with BPD and "hope that it will get better". This is admirable and likely what many hope for, try to do, and struggle with. It is one choice available. However, when Roach concludes that love and support are on-going she doesn't really define what that looks like or how that is achieved or if it is acheived the cost - the emotional cost - at which that is achieved. In my up-coming book I examine these very issues, among many others.

The choices available to those who find themselves in these unchosen relationships on the other side of Borderline Personality Disorder when a relative is diagnosed with BPD are complicated and often gut-wrenching choices.